Markets Stay Open as Picture of Blue or White or Gold Dress Destroys the World

How the picture of one dress is changing humanity forever

by Josh Selway

Published on Feb 27, 2015 at 2:46 PM
Updated on Apr 20, 2015 at 5:32 PM

Just a couple days ago, everything was normal. People went on walks. Kids went to school. Adults went to work. But now, things are different, and it's unlikely they'll ever be the same.

The world is no stranger to division. Just here in America, we've seen all sorts of fierce rivalries: Republicans vs. Democrats; Team Edward vs. Team Jacob; Mayonnaise vs. Miracle Whip; Batman fans vs. Superman fans; The Coca Cola Co (NYSE:KO) vs. PepsiCo, Inc. (NYSE:PEP); Apple Inc. (NASDAQ:AAPL) vs. BlackBerry Ltd (NASDAQ:BBRY) (and everyone). But never before has this country -- this entire planet -- been so split, so polarized and confused.

All over a dress.

This picture has gone viral, as people cannot seem to figure out what color it is. Many see it as blue and black, while others see it as white or gold or I don't know what -- I'm a part of the Blue Dress Group.

The picture has sparked confusion beyond anything anyone has ever seen. Last night, at four in the morning, my girlfriend shook me out of my slumber and shoved her phone in my face. "What color is this dress?" she asked me. I told her it was unequivocally blue. I am now searching for another place to live, and a new girlfriend.

It's clear that people who see the dress as different colors cannot co-exist. For, if they can't agree on the color of a wardrobe, what hope do they have of ever accomplishing anything else? They'll spend all day, holding up random objects, asking each other, "What color is this!? Is this blue or gold?"

There have even been reports of people looking at the picture, and seeing it as blue, and looking back later, and seeing it as white or gold. Which makes one wonder: where did this dress come from? Is this all a conspiracy? If so, how high up does it go?

Apparently, as we speak, the populations of all major U.S. cities are being evacuated and separated based on what color they think the dress is. The divide between Blue Dress Group and Gold/White Dress Group is too deep, and irreparable. Special fenced-in areas are being set up for each group. Issues have arisen, however, since colored flags were used to designate each area, and citizens could not agree on which area belonged to which group. Things have gotten so bad, the world's brightest minds have put all else aside just to get to the bottom of this mystery.

Of course, amazingly, the stock market has remained open amid of all this. We're still awaiting word from President Obama.

Personally, I don't know where to go next. My entire family belongs to the Gold/White Group, and I'm unsure if I'll ever see them again. I just hope someone out there can provide answers, and start to piece together the world I once loved.

Luckily, we were given a response by the person who would know best. Finally, it appears as though we can have some clarity. I'm glad she's in my group.


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