The! Biggest! News! of! the! Day! - Not Expedia Inc, Apple Inc, Motorola Inc, Elan Corp, or Netflix Inc and Tivo

Here are some of the contenders for today's biggest...news...of...the...day...

• Record earnings from Exxon Mobil Corp (XOM)...
• Earnings from Motorola Inc (MOT)...
• Earnings from CBS Corp (CBS)...
• Earnings from Colgate-Palmolive Co (CL)...
• Earnings from Expedia Inc (EXPE)...
• Earnings from Apache Corp (APA)...
• The acquisition of Northwest Airlines (NWA) by Delta Air Lines (DAL)...
• A deal between TiVo Inc (TIVO) and Netflix Inc (NFLX) that would allow movies to be streamed to subscribers' TVs...
• Continuing concerns for Elan Corp (ELN) and Biogen Idec Inc (BIIB) after a patient taking Tysabri "was diagnosed with progressive multifocal leukoencephalopathy..."
• A supply deal for First Solar Inc (FSLR)...
• Data on weekly jobless claims...
• An argument that Apple Inc (AAPL) should launch "a massive buyback..."
• An argument that this is "a historically good buying opportunity..."

While those are all stories worth watching, I think it is obviously clear that the biggest news is this set of stories -

• Clock-shifts affect risk of heart attack - "Adjusting the clocks to summer time on the last Sunday in March increases the risk of myocardial infarction in the following week..."
• Japanese man petitions to marry comic-book character - "...has enlisted hundreds of people in a campaign to allow marriages between humans and cartoon characters, saying he feels more at ease in the 'two-dimensional world'..."
• Girl returns $1,000 found in Richard Simmons tape - "...she discovered the money while browsing through the used tapes..."

So...we find out that daylight saving time increases the risk of heart attacks? I always hated the whole shift and now I know why. Oh, and for those who hate Mondays, consider this note...

"According to the scientists, the study provides a conceivable explanation for why myocardial infarction is most common on Mondays..."

As far as the second story goes, I think this just adds one more piece of evidence to the argument of why the animal uprising has a shot at succeeding. Don't believe me? Just consider this quote -

"Even if she is fictional, it is still loving someone..."

The last article though provides us with a story of inspiration. There are still some who do the right thing. Of course, it also shows that there are still Richard Simmons tapes out there. Be afraid. Be very afraid...

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